Returning To Changing
by bagel shop jazz
Summary: typical return from europe, awareness of changes, will be javajunkie and rorys reflection on breakup with jess
1. Default Chapter

They were sprawled on the floor almost piled on top of each other. Rory had tripped over Lorelai, who'd collapsed immediately upon entering, letting her backpack drop to the side and body blocking the entrance. She kicked the door shut with her foot, brain not processing the grunts and whines of coming from her daughter, who rolled off her mother's inert body and stared unmoving at the ceiling. They remained in that position for several moments.  
"Hey."  
"Uhhh."  
"Good trip?"  
Rory grinned despite herself. "Great trip."  
"Yeah."  
The phone rang. Rory began to lift her head, but Lorelai put a hand on her arm.  
"Machine."  
"But-"  
"Plenty of messages on there already. One more wont hurt.  
"But - consider this - what if the tape is full and the message wont fit and its some guy offering us a million dollars but we have to answer right now or we don't get it?"  
"Aw, honey, I know jet lag is rough. You don't have to try to make yourself think if you don't want to." She groaned as she sat up. "But. I'm up. You can relax."  
The phone had stopped ringing and Rory glared at her mother, who rolled her eyes and stood up.  
"They didn't leave a message."  
"I'm sure they'll --" The phone began to ring again.  
"Did you just call?" Lorelai answered, making a voice at Rory, who sighed in exasperation and let her head fall back to the floor.  
"Lorelai."  
"Mother." Lorelai stated this simply, as if in observation.  
"Hello would be a polite way to answer the phone." Though there was a hint of humour in the voice, the tone was colder than it otherwise might have been.  
"Thanks for the advice. Should we hang up and try again?"  
"Is Rory there?"  
"Yep, she's lying on the floor not moving."  
"Oh my god, why?"  
"Relax, Mom, we just walked in. We're tired."  
"Well, can I speak to her?"  
"I can see my conversational wit has charmed you enough." She bent down to hand the phone to Rory, who however was polite enough to her unseeing grandmother to so much as sit up for the conversation. Lorelai, frowning a bit from the icy conversation, turned away and let her eyes roam the house. She smiled in her way, face softened genuine and loving, appraising all the world in teasing approval, as if she could pull the whole house into her at the pleasantness of return. Her body ached, her mind seemed to vibrate and everything in the bags was old and wrinkled and weary, but the old things freshened, colours brightened, and she knew she had coffee in the house somewhere.  
Though she wondered if Luke would deliver for a special occasion, of their return. Luke. She thought of the diner, flooded with a feeling of home even more intense than entering the house. As if the idea solidified their existence, and the sight of mere things was not enough to grasp her again. She should travel more, she mused - Loved seeing new things, buying new things, harassing people as an annoying tourist - and loved returning home, and the feel of everything being new again, and the old stale details popping out and demanding attention.  
But Luke's coffee. Luke's coffee. It'd be worth a trip. She thought of Luke standing there behind the counter, tried to picture his face when he saw her. Probably a raised eyebrow, a decidedly cynical tone that he always took, though she knew it meant nothing. And could feel herself already trying to stop the smile from taking over completely, babbling on uncontrollably and soaring over everything, words to stop the smile because he'd prefer it that way. Not get too excited, except in standard Lorelai fashion where everything is equally exciting, as if new toe socks were as important as returning home, and seeing people she'd missed.  
I'm not allowed to miss him, she mused, Not really. Not more than I missed his coffee. She smiled, and knew that was all bullshit. Drinking that coffee, and seeing his halfhidden smile in response to her ridiculous grin would maybe be worth focusing all her remaining energy on the walk to the diner. Maybe.  
How big was Sookie now? How insane was Jackson? She was standing in the kitchen now, smiling at the furniture.  
Was Luke on his cruise now? She'd blocked it from his mind, when he was going. Maybe he hadn't said. Maybe he and Nicole would get engaged. That probably would be good for him, she told herself. Not likely, though, which was a relief. What would it be like if he were gone? To go to the diner and not see him there? Things weren't supposed to change when she returned, though they had to. Returning home was supposed to bring back the old and make it feel new, not show her the old quickly fading from sight. Just enough time to appreciate it before it was gone.  
It wasn't the same. What had ended? A lot, she realized. But what was there to do? How should she work with the changing? Sighing, she wished at the very least that Luke was still there, in the diner, same as ever, for her to talk to about - - about Rory graduating, about Sookie pregnant, about the inn, about her parents. Maybe he was there right now, but she didn't quite want to check, just in case he wasn't. He deserved a life anyway, more than staying in one spot as she whined to him about hers.  
Rory was off the phone, and came in. Lorelai's smile had faded by then to a lipchewing frown, but when she turned to face her daughter she smiled again, in a comfort and pleasantness more motherly than she would realize, Rory smiling sweetly in response, as they breathed it in again, before sleep, and before letting the world return. 


	2. 2

"Time," Lorelai announced dramatically, "To check the messages. And feel loved."  
"Mom. I looked. There are only, like, ten messages on the machine. Everyone knew we were gone. I bet at least one is from that dentist appointment that you never bothered to reschedule."  
"C'mon! There's gotta be something good. All those admirers pining after us in our absence."  
"Right."  
Lorelai pressed play.  
"Uh, hey Lorelai, this is Alex. I was just wondering what was up, I haven't heard from you in a few weeks and you never seem to be home anymore. Give me a call, unless you've joined the witness protection program or something. Maybe we could do something next week? If you don't reply, I'll take the hint. Bye."  
"That's not quite pining."  
Lorelai paled, "I never told him about the trip."  
"Why not?"  
"I just didn't think of it," she mused.  
"Wow. I so need a new role model. Is this a big deal?"  
"I don't think so," Lorelai replied, "Though I kind of wish it were." 


End file.
